Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
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