is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
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