If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
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