I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
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