How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
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