he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
