You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
My vagina just recognized that song.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
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