Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
