Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
