Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
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