So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Randomize
