HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
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