I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
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