I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
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