i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
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