Got a toothbrush?
dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
Randomize
