she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
