She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
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