U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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