Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
