Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
Randomize
