Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
Randomize
