That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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