I think i sorta joined a cult last night
I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize
