Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
Randomize
