If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
And my parents said I crawled through the house
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
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