dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
Randomize
