It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
Randomize
