with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Randomize
