I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
Randomize
