mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
Randomize
