Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
Randomize
