dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Randomize
