How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
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