You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
