I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
Randomize
