I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
with your own penis?
i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
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