I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
Randomize
