I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
Randomize
