Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
Randomize
