I murdered the dance floor call the cops
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Randomize
