yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Randomize
