so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
Randomize
