I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
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