i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
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