it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
But we have bathrooms and they dont
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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