I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
This house was built for laser tag.
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
Randomize
