I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
Randomize
