@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
Randomize
