one two three fourrrrnication!
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
